by Anneke Steyn | Jul 17, 2026 | Stories of Hope, Support
When the Map Changes
Christine Shaw
Life did not unfold the way anyone imagined it would for *Mia, *Hannah, and *Joshua.
Although they came from different biological families, the three children were adopted together while they were still young. They found a home to call their own and parents who hoped to give them the love, stability, and opportunities every child deserves. Over time, they became a family, and for a while it seemed that life was finally moving in the right direction.
Then the map began to change.
Mia, the eldest, struggled with emotions she often could not understand or express. Her pain eventually became so overwhelming that she was placed in foster care. The separation was heartbreaking. While Hannah and Joshua remained with their adoptive parents, the three siblings had to grow up on different paths. Yet the bond they had formed through their shared childhood endured.
The years that followed brought even greater change. The children were homeschooled, and after their adoptive mother passed away, grief reshaped every aspect of family life. Mia, who was already18 at the time and no longer in foster care, moved back to help their adoptive father. He continued to care for her adopted siblings with dedication, but simply getting through each day became the priority. Consequently, schoolwork, routines, and long-term planning gradually slipped into the background, leaving significant educational gaps.
Amid the uncertainty, a new opportunity emerged. Plans were made for the children to relocate abroad, where their adoptive father had family connections. They dreamed of new schools, new friendships, and the chance to begin again.
Then tragedy struck once more.
Before those plans could become reality, their adoptive father also passed away, leaving the three young people facing an uncertain future yet again.
Family friends opened their home to the two younger children while longer-term arrangements were made. By then, the educational setbacks had become too significant to ignore. Assistance was sought through the Department of Social Development, and the matter was referred to CMR Gauteng-East.
Today, Mia’s story is one of resilience and determination. As a young adult, she returned to her studies through a private college and successfully completed her schooling, standing as a testament to the power of perseverance and the belief that the past does not have to define the future.
Meanwhile, Hannah and Joshua have been placed in a youth care centre where they receive the structure, support, and educational assistance they need. Catching up after years of disruption is a daunting challenge, but their future has once again become the focus.
Social workers, caregivers, and support staff continue to stand by their side, helping them build the skills, confidence, and educational foundation they need for adulthood. Statutory support, however, extends only until they turn 18, leaving a vital gap before they are truly ready for the world. The hope is that additional support will enable them to continue receiving the care, guidance, and opportunities they need until the age of 21, giving them the best possible chance to prepare for independent living.
Their story reminds us that when people come together around a child, possibilities begin to grow where limitations once existed. Hope does not always arrive as a miracle. Sometimes it comes in the form of a safe place to stay, someone who believes in you, or simply another chance to begin again.
Their story is still being written.
There are still challenges ahead, but there is also hope. Hope in every exam passed. Hope in every new skill learned. Hope in every opportunity embraced, and in every person willing to journey with them. Because when life changes the map, it doesn’t have to end the journey. Sometimes, it simply marks the beginning of a new path. A path made possible because others choose to walk alongside you.
*Names have been changed to protect the children.
by Christine Shaw | Jul 13, 2026 | Stories of Hope, Support
A Story of Hope: When a child chooses hope.
By Christine Shaw
When *Tshepiso was eight years old, she learned that home could disappear overnight.
After her mother passed away, she moved into her aunt’s small house. The adults around her tried their best, but life often felt uncertain. Some days there was laughter around the table. Other days there were arguments, silence, and fear. Tshepiso carried a question inside her that no child should have to ask: Where do I truly belong?
As she grew older, she moved in with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. At first, things seemed better. But slowly, the house became filled with shouting and violence. At night, Tshepiso lay awake listening to doors slam and angry voices echo through the walls. The fear followed her to school, where she had once been known as one of the brightest learners in her grade.
She dreamed of becoming a doctor. Science had once excited her, and teachers believed she had a promising future. But trauma is heavy, especially for a child carrying it alone. Her marks dropped, her confidence disappeared, and she failed Grade 10.
For a long time, Tshepiso believed failure meant she was no longer intelligent. She did not yet understand that pain can silence even the strongest mind.
One Sunday evening changed everything.
After returning from a leadership camp where she had proudly represented her school, Tshepiso arrived home to chaos. Her sister’s boyfriend shouted at her to leave and told her she would not sleep there that night. Frightened and heartbroken, she stood outside behind the house with nowhere to go.
In desperation, she called her social worker from CMR Gauteng East at the time.
Although it was late on a Sunday, her social worker came immediately.
That moment stayed with Tshepiso forever. Not because someone solved all her problems instantly, but because, for the first time in years, an adult made her feel safe. Someone listened. Someone came for her. Someone decided she mattered.
Tshepiso returned to stay with her aunt, and slowly, hope began rebuilding itself inside her. She repeated Grade 10 and changed her subjects, believing her original dream was gone. Yet she refused to stop trying.
Step by step, she focused on school again.
In 2020, she completed matric and achieved first position at her school. The girl who once believed she had failed at life suddenly remembered who she was. Opportunities followed as she was accepted at university with the help of another social worker, from CMR Gauteng East at the time, establishing a growing belief that her story was not ending in pain.
At the University of Johannesburg, Tshepiso studied social work. She worked hard and excelled academically, but more importantly, she discovered purpose. She wanted to become the kind of person who had once rescued her – a social worker who showed up when she as a child felt abandoned.
Years later, Tshepiso graduated.
Today, she works at one of the offices of the same organisation, CMR Gauteng East, that once protected her as a vulnerable child. Every day, she sits across from children carrying fear, grief, and uncertainty, and she reminds them gently that pain is not the end of their story.
Because she knows something they do not yet understand: That sometimes the child who survives the storm becomes the person who helps others find shelter.
* Pseudonym
by Christine Shaw | May 6, 2026 | Stories of Hope
*Jordan’s journey is a reminder that not every social work story ends in crisis. Some take time, persistence, and the right support, but they can lead to hope.
Several years ago, Jordan and his younger sister were removed from their mother’s care and placed in foster care. While his sister remained in a stable placement, Jordan’s path was more complex. After his first placement broke down, he spent time in a children’s home before moving to a second foster family.
This new placement brought opportunity, but it also revealed the depth of his trauma. Jordan struggled to adjust. Instead of his strengths being recognised – his intelligence and strong performance at school – the focus shifted to his behaviour.
He was frequently told that if he didn’t comply, he would be sent away or reported. Over time, he began to believe that everything going wrong around him was his fault.
This is not uncommon. Children who experience instability or prolonged stress often internalise blame. Research shows that when children lack consistent, reassuring relationships, they may assume responsibility for circumstances beyond their control. This can shape their self-worth, relationships, and behaviour for years to come.
At the same time, another story was unfolding.
Jordan’s father had spent six years trying to locate his children and re-establish contact. Living in another province, he eventually moved to Pretoria in the hope of being closer to them. Despite repeated attempts to arrange visits, communication with the children’s mother remained inconsistent. He was often told they were unavailable, away with friends, or staying over elsewhere, when in reality, they had already been removed from her care.
This reflects a lesser-discussed but deeply harmful dynamic: when a child’s relationship with one parent is disrupted or obstructed, whether intentionally or through breakdowns in communication. Even without clear intent, the result can resemble parental alienation – where a child grows up disconnected from a parent who is willing and able to be present. The emotional consequences of parental alienation can be significant. It often leads to depression, anxiety, low self-image, and the inability to build meaningful relationships as adults.
Toward the end of 2025, the father’s persistence began to pay off. With the support of the social workers of CMR Gauteng East, a reunification process was initiated. Services were put in place to support him, while careful planning ensured that Jordan’s needs remained central.
When the second foster placement broke down, it created both urgency and possibility.
Jordan expressed a clear desire to be reunited with his father. With the right preparation and support, that reunification became a reality.
On a quiet Friday morning, after years apart, father and son embraced again. Overwhelmed, relieved, and ready to begin anew.
Jordan’s story does not end here. Reunification is not a finish line, but the start of a new chapter. One that requires patience, consistency, and ongoing support.
But it is a powerful reminder that even in complex cases, after years of uncertainty, positive outcomes are possible.
Hope may take time, but it is always worth working toward.
(Name changed.)
by Christine Shaw | May 6, 2026 | Stories of Hope
She holds the baby tight against her chest, longer than she can afford.
The morning air is cold. The brokenness inside her threatens to undo her. It feels as if it’s urging her to choose. Now or never.
The baby stirs softly, making a tiny sound, almost as if asking something. She closes her eyes, presses her cheek to the baby’s forehead. Something in her wants to remember that warm, soft feeling.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.
She wraps the blanket tighter around the small body. The house she chose is near the police station. Close enough, she hopes, for someone to reach her quickly. Someone who can give what she cannot.
Gently, she places the baby by the gate. Not because she doesn’t love her. But, because she does. Before she can change her mind, she walks away. Sometimes abandonment isn’t indifference. It’s desperation.
Elizabeth is late for work. She opens the gate, lost in thought, and then sees the bundle. At first, she thinks she’s imagining it. But it moves. There’s a sound.
She can’t believe her eyes. She drops her bag and kneels, pulling back the blanket. A baby girl blinked up at her, her cry faint but insistent. Everything around her seems to slow down.
With the baby in her arms, she rushes to the police station. The officer on duty doesn’t fully know the procedures. He only knows the baby must be safe. He takes her to a registered place of safety. When asked for the baby’s name, he hesitates, then says softly: *Tsholofelo. It means hope. Expectation.
A week later, the case is logged at one of CMR Gauteng-East’s offices.
The social worker realizes it will be a long process. Paperwork is missing. Steps have been skipped. She begins immediately. Forms, court orders, efforts to track the biological parents, and finding screened and approved adoptive parents. None is available on record.
Another organisation is contacted. They have a childless couple, already screened, and long waiting.
They do not hesitate.
The first meeting is gentle. Tsholofelo looked up with wide eyes, trying to figure them out. The woman held her softly. The man stayed close, speaking calmly.
It does not happen overnight. But it is a beginning.
Regular visits follow. Something starts to grow. Trust, recognition… a sense of belonging.
Tsholofelo is now nearly one year old, still in the place of safety. The paperwork is not complete. Court processes take time.
But she is no longer alone.
There are people who wait for her. With her. Who are learning her laugh, her small hands, the way she reaches out.
Tsholofelo’s story did not begin easily. With pain, uncertainty, and delays.
But it goes on, as her name promises: with hope. With expectation.
With the right support, the right people walking each step with her, there is a good chance that her first birthday, Tsholofelo will not only be safe…but home.
*Name changed
by Christine Shaw | Apr 21, 2026 | Stories of Hope
We all need to belong. Connection is not a luxury. It is a fundamental human need. True belonging does not require us to change who we are but makes room for us to be ourselves.
For children removed from their families and placed in alternative care, belonging can feel especially fragile. They focus on fitting in. On surviving.
When the new social worker first met Jake* at the Children’s court, he stood quietly beside a caregiver. Careful not to draw too much attention. Children who move from place to place often learn to adapt quickly. They read the room. They adjust. Around Jake, adults held thick files filled with reports, concerns, and opinions. Before opening his file, the social worker greeted him in his home language. Jake looked up, surprised, and almost seemed to relax a bit.
Inside the courtroom, the children’s home described their difficulty in supporting him. The foster parent told how she couldn’t manage another day. When the magistrate eventually asked Jake why he thought this was happening, he said softly: “Sometimes I do things, and afterward, I don’t know why.”
When belonging feels uncertain, behaviour becomes its language. What looks like defiance is often a question: “Do I still have a place? If you see my hardest parts, will you still choose me?”
In the days that followed, calls were made and options explored. Some had no space. Others were not willing to make space. Each “no” reinforced what Jake feared – “Maybe I am too much. Maybe I do not fit anywhere.”
The social worker persisted. She returned to court again and again, searching for more than a temporary solution. Her steady presence carried a simple message: You matter.
Eventually, she reached the boy’s biological mother. Years earlier, Jake had been removed from her care due to instability. She had remained in contact but had not realised how much Jake was struggling. In the meantime, she had rebuilt her life in another province. A new marriage, a young daughter, greater stability.
The conversation began cautiously and slowly opened up. She was told how, with every move to a new placement, Jake had asked for his mother. Although reunification remains a core focus of social workers, such conversations do not always lead to it. Sometimes circumstances change. Sometimes people grow. Sometimes support can be built around a family to support them when reunification is possible.
There was regret in her voice, but also determination. The next day, the social worker received a WhatsApp message with a screenshot of a plane ticket.
On Monday morning, Jake stood outside the courthouse holding his mother’s hand. He leaned slightly toward her. With the Children’s Court’s guidance and coordinated support, he left with her that day. A school was ready to receive him. A uniform was waiting.
Although finding a place to belong does not make problems disappear overnight, there is still work ahead. Counselling will continue. There will likely be adjustments and difficult conversations ahead. The social worker continues to follow up and will make referrals where necessary. Belonging, however, is the foundation on which healing can grow. It fosters a safe environment where trust can gradually grow, and through genuine acceptance, even wounded hearts can start to believe in hope once more.
*Name changed
by CMR@dmin | Apr 24, 2023 | News
The future has never been darker – and this applies to the most vulnerable in our country: children, women, disabled persons and the elderly.
Last week, the news that thousands of these people will be left without professional social work services became known.
The Department of Social Development ( DSD) has published a worrying budget: which is directly contrary to quite a few laws.
So says Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-East, a Child and family care organization in Pretoria.
“We have been warning for years – decades – that NGOs’ task is getting bigger, but the available means are getting smaller.”
The recent announcement by the Department of Social Development, in which their new policy direction was announced, together with a significant reduction in funding, showed that the situation is more than worrying – it is blatantly unacceptable.
The biggest problem is the plan to merge the DSD with the Department of Agriculture, Rural Development and Environment.
This merger means that much-needed funds are taken away from children, people with disabilities, the elderly, the poor. There is a clear move away from social work services towards community development, which means that the vulnerable groups served by us are pushed aside – and will be left to their own devices when funds dry up completely.
“Where is the priority of people in our society who are at the lowest level, who, due to economic realities, cannot help themselves, and are therefore assigned to the multitude of NGOs that depend on funding to be able to do their work,” asks Van der Merwe.
The impact of these rebates (CMR Gauteng-East faces a 61% rebate) means that where in 2022 we could serve 28,676 people with care, we will now be able to assist less than 10,000.
As a Child Protection Organization, we want to emphasize that people will now have nowhere to go. Children who are molested, abused, neglected… who will stand up for them?
We have signed contracts with the Department until 2024, but they are announcing a rebate in 2023. What about the existing contracts? Is the government going to act so illegally?
The department should provide support, but what is happening now is a centralization of powers which is an outrage. They want to arrogate to themselves more and more powers, but in fact, deny their own mandate.
CMR Gauteng East closes its doors on Monday until further notice. No services will be provided. All services are referred to the Department of Social Development for handling.
CMR Gauteng East has 13 satellite offices across Pretoria and handles almost 30,000 cases annually. The organization is registered as a registered Child and Family Protection Organization, As well as an NPO 035-918 and also has PBO status with SARS.
by CMR@dmin | Nov 10, 2022 | Support
Is uncontrollable behaviour in children increasing in communities?
Children must be seen and not heard. Long ago this was the norm and parents applied it daily. Today’s trends are not the opposite, but a very different understanding of how children should behave, or how to educate children. Schools and teachers are easily blamed for lack of discipline; but what does the child’s discipline look like at home?
Are there any rules set and clear guidelines given within which the child knows he must behave? Does the child understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour? Or does the child present with negative- or uncontrollable behaviour? Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng East, points out that the child protection organisation, with more than 30 social workers in its employ, has seen a large increase in children with uncontrollable behaviour in the last year.
“Our statistics show a 77% increase in these cases – which crosses all cultural boundaries, it is not related to one geographical area, or cultural group, or age group.”
But what is uncontrollable behaviour – and what are the causes that result from it? Children who react with anger, bully others, or physically attack others, are out of control. Likewise, children who bully others on digital media. “It is a shame that these platforms have become an additional way for people to attack each other and hurt each other emotionally. The fact that it happens digitally means it’s faceless and easier to do,” she explains. Uncontrollable behaviour refers to a pattern of behavioural outbursts.
The question also exists: what role does the use of habit-forming substances such as alcohol and drugs play in this behaviour? Marijuana use is becoming more and more common – in younger and younger children. Primary schools can testify that children even as young as ten years old have had contact with it.
“The problem is of course fueled by the fact that it is increasingly easy to get hold of. And children do not realise the danger of dependence. They easily use something just because their peers say it will make them feel good, and using it just once or twice can lead to addiction. (depending on the type of drug). Alcohol, on the other hand, is socially acceptable and much easier to get hold of. Over time use can result in addiction, depending on other factors like genetics and family history etc.”
But what prompts a child to use a substance?
Children and teenagers who experience problems with school work, or have social problems, look for answers to deal with the situation. Often parents are inaccessible, or perhaps even the source of the problem – and the easiest answer is to use a drug that numbs the emotional pain the child is experiencing. (Drugs that numb emotional pain tend to be addictive.)
Social workers are burdened by a load of increasing cases – and there is a shortage of rehabilitation/care facilities, van der Merwe explains. “One of our challenges is parents who refuse to believe their child has a problem – whether it’s drug-related or behavioral problems”.
by CMR@dmin | Aug 15, 2022 | Support
Women’s month brings to mind all the negatives: gender-based violence, intimate partner violence, physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
But, says Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-Oos, from our perspective we see women as mothers, caregivers, nurturers, and much more. And much of our support to women is aimed at empowering women with emotional as well as practical support.
As a child and family social work organisation, we know very well that the wellness of our children rests in large part on the role of mothers in our society.
A woman is the sum total of many roles: partner, mother, caregiver and in so many instances also the sole breadwinner. And in many of the areas we work in, mothers go out to work while grannies have to step in to look after the young ones. “A woman’s work is never done, they say.” It is so true.
As one work-from-home mom says when she packs up to go home: “Now I am going to my other job.”
“Let us remember during this month all those mothers who care for children not their own: Foster mothers, grannies, adoptive mothers, and all others who step in to care for children. Their formation is of the essence; and in fact, the contribution mothers make life on in perpetuity.”
Van der Merwe points out that CMR Gauteng-Oos rendered services to 2 324 women and 2 769 children last year.
“Mothers, we salute you.”
by CMR@dmin | Jul 6, 2022 | Support
The past two years have seen a sharp rise in teenage suicide globally.
No words could ever adequately describe a parent’s devastation upon the suicide of a child. This grief cuts way deeper than that of a death caused by illness. More often than not the warning signs were there – but were misinterpreted or not attended to.
The past two years have seen a sharp rise in teenage suicide globally. This can, in part, be directly attributed to the worldwide actions by governments because of the COVID-19 virus. Locked down, children of all ages have been denied natural growth stimulators, also emotionally. Teenagers strongly feel the burden of lack of personal interaction. And while technology has enabled schooling to continue, so much has been lost that this generation will probably become known by an epithet describing what they have lost in human terms.
Says Hanlie Boshoff, narrative therapist in Centurion: “Parents have become digitally distracted – we all have. But interaction and communication between parents and teenagers are still the mainstay of good emotional health.
Depression has become as common as toothache. The pandemic has exacerbated this as everyone felt depressed at least some of the time. But long-term depression which kicks in is different to a short-term feeling of “the blues”. And although things are ‘back to normal’ the effects will be with us for years to come. In teenagers, signs differ from that of adult depression.
“Research has shown that parents find it difficult to tell the difference between ‘ups and downs’ and teen depression that needs treatment. And even when parents may correctly identify it, many barriers such as access to treatment, financial difficulties and poor communication with the teen could prevent seeking help,” says Boshoff whose practice, Tiqvah, specialises in teenagers with challenges.
“One tell-tale sign in teenagers is their increased irritability. This commonly leads to impatience, disrespectful behaviour and defiance. Extreme reaction to criticism is another sign. And right at the end of the pendulum’s swing, is aggression. Monitor your teen’s response to risk-taking, criticism, and failure…. His reaction could tell you he is suffering from depression. Added to these signs could be social withdrawal or joining the wrong crowd. Both could be the first step towards problems like alcohol/substance abuse, even self-harm,” Boshoff points out.
Other symptoms to watch out for: feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest, tiredness, memory loss, sleeping problems and appetite loss. If the teen suffers from Major Depressive Disorder, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and panic disorder could further be part of the picture.
“Family units are under stress. Single parent families or children brought up by grannies, these realities are what we see in our society. But even traditional nuclear families are no longer devoid of these digital distractions. Stress also increases substance use (or abuse) which affects families. Out of control parents spell trouble all around,” explains Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-Oos, a social work NGO with 13 satellite offices across Pretoria.
Are we raising a mentally disturbed generation? The answer seems obvious. A recent South Africa study showed that around 17% of teenagers had contemplated suicide in the first six months of last year.
But all is not lost. Boshoff says families can prevent these problems from arising by following a few guidelines. Cutting down on screen time is the first rule. “Face-time is crucial. Make time to talk and connect every day. This is a time to connect, not to teach and criticise,” she stresses.
“Parents should lead by example – turn off your phone and encourage them to do the same when socialising or focusing on work. Encourage them to get involved in activities – as they start to re-engage they will feel better. Volunteer. Doing things for others is a powerful antidepressant and a self-esteem booster. Doing things together will be a great bonding experience and give them a sense of purpose. Your love, guidance and support can go a long way toward helping your teen overcome depression and get his life on track.”
Van der Merwe concludes: “Social workers deal with the results of unfocused parenting every day. Family units are falling apart, and children failing to reach their potential – we believe parents need more training and support to help them raise a healthy new generation. This means putting a stop to endless technological stimulation and giving your children personal attention and spending time with them.”
by CMR@dmin | May 30, 2022 | News
“Social workers are actively bound to the principles of social justice, the inherent value and dignity of people and respect for human diversity,” explains Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-Oos, a Social Work NGO with statutory powers in the area of child protection.
”Our main focus is on child protection with the understanding that a child is, and should ideally always be, a member of a family unit. Therefore, the family is always part of taking care of a child. Our country’s laws state that biological parents are responsible for a child. Where there are no parents or the parents are unable to take this responsibility, members of the immediate family are asked to step up. In our time many grandmothers or other family members are fulfilling this role.
“Protecting children from harm while keeping families together is our first focus. However, our social workers also render many other services, assisting with practical help as may be necessary.
Says van der Merwe: “Our processes and indeed all our activities are transparent, and guided by the law. There are of course also in our daily practice, people who present us with hurdles. Some of our clients can be so offensive that in extreme cases we have had to search protection orders for our social workers.”
“The challenges we run into are parents who failed in their duty to their offspring, and suddenly want to impose their rights as parents.
“As a non-profit organisation, we are not the law. Our task is to make sure that the directives as set out by the court, are adhered to, in the cases we are called in to assist with. After careful assessment, involving many different professionals, such as psychologists, forensic services, and the like, we join hands with other agencies like the Department of Social Development and the SAPS.”
CMR Gauteng-Oos originates from, and is still part of the larger Dutch Reformed Church welfare initiative and renders services to all families in need. It is celebrating its 40th birthday this year. Its sister organisation, CMR Gauteng North, also belongs to the DRC network. The two organisations were delineated along church synod lines while bearing similar names. They operate side by side in the larger Pretoria area.
“Society is an intricate network of people who interact in a structure that is underpinned by local laws, set in a particular cultural context. In our democratic society, we work with a rich cultural diversity and while it is indeed challenging, it makes our work all the more rewarding,” van der Merwe concludes.
CMR Gauteng-Oos currently operates from 13 satellite offices from Cullinan in the north to Midrand in the south of Pretoria.
Their social work services touched the lives of more than 27 000 people in its last financial year.
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