by CMR@dmin | Oct 13, 2021 | Child Abuse, Stories of Hope
As ‘n maatskaplike werk hulporganisasie is dit vir ons ‘n riem onder die hart as oplettende volwassenes ons kontak om kinders te kan help
Die meisie kyk met leë oë om haar rond. Waar is hy? Haar pa het haar gedwing om hier te kom staan en bedel. Sy doen dit al jare lank. Elke aand na donker moet sy teruggaan na die klein krot wat hy so lendelam staangemaak het tussen twee geboue. Net ‘n enkelmatras wat winter en somer vir hulle ‘n bed moet wees. Vir haar ma en pa moet ook plek gemaak word om darem ietwat van lê te beleef. Douvoordag word sy weer uitgeboender om haar bakhanddag nog eens aan te pak.
Aletta is al 18. Sy kan nie lees of skryf nie, omdat sy nooit skool beleef het nie. Van die lewe van ‘n tiener kan sy niks vertel nie – omdat sy nog maar net as ‘n bedelaar bestaan. Skuins klappe is alledaags, veral as haar pa nie geld het vir sy dwelms nie. Drank is ‘n tweede keuse, ook makliker om in die hande te kry – dis te sê as sy genoeg geld “huistoe” gebring het. Haar ma is ook verslaaf. Vir haar gee hul nou en dan ‘n trek dagga.
Aletta se ma is ‘n sekswerker. Sy neem Aletta ook soms saam – as die nood groot en die bedelgeld te skraps is. Sy weet nie van keuses maak nie. Ander kinders van haar ouderdom is besig met loopbaankeuses, studiekeuses, en matriekafskeidrokke. Aletta sal nooit ‘n matriekafskeidrok hê nie – en ook nooit matriek behaal nie. Aletta kan nie kies wat sy wil doen nie.
Sy weet nie hoe gekookte kos proe nie. Brood, worsies en polonie. Dis hul stapelvoedsel. Sy voel baie gelukkig as sy ‘n beker koffie in die hande het. Dis vir haar ‘n groot bederf. Nie melk nie. Maar darem ‘n lekseltjie suiker. Soms.
Aletta het nog ‘n sussie ook. Hulle is deur maatskaplike werkers in pleegsorg geplaas omdat hulle nog minderjarig is. Haar jongste sussie, Karien, is nog in die laerskool al is sy amper 14. Sy het soveel skool gemis dat sy nog prober inhaal. Net soos Aletta, het haar pa haar seksueel gemolesteer en aangerand. Maar gelukkig vir Karien, het ‘n ander werkemer by die maatskappy waar haar pa soms dagwerk doen, opgemerk iets is nie pluis toe hy Karien gesien het nie. Sy het toe werk daarvan gemaak om hulp by ‘n maatskaplike werker te kry.
Karien is na assessering van die omstandighede, deur die kinderhof in pleegsorg geplaas. Sy kies om nie kontak met haar ouers te hê nie. Aletta dink Karien is een van die gelukkiges. Wat betyds hulp gekry het om uit haar swak agtergrond en omstandighede te ontsnap. In haar pleegouers se sorg sal Karien keuses kan uitoefen. Sy sal haarself kan verbeter en ‘n gesonde toekoms kan skep.
“As ‘n maatskaplike werk hulporganisasie is dit vir ons ‘n riem onder die hart as oplettende volwassenes ons kontak om kinders te kan help. Vir Aletta is dit te laat, maar Karien kan nog ‘n sukses van haar lewe maak met die hulp van haar pleegouers. CMR Gauteng-Oos ondersteun pleegouers met opleiding en lewer verdere dienste soos berading en sielkundige hulp waar nodig,” sê Henda van der Merwe, direkteur van CMR Gauteng-Oos.
Kontak jou naaste CMR kantoor as jy belangstel om ‘n pleegouer te word.
by CMR@dmin | Jul 23, 2021 | Stories of Hope
This is a story of a mother who was willing to give up a nasty habit and a person dragging her down to live for her son.
As a young social worker, relatively new in the field, my perception was that once people are “marked” as bad, especially those dependent on drugs, they are not likely to improve their circumstances.
Our office received a phone call from concerned grandparents and parents. The biological parents of a small child were staying on the premises of the parents of the biological father. The grandparents of this child were concerned about his safety because the parents were using drugs and have been using drugs on and off for the last 10 years. The biological parents have been in a committed relationship throughout their drug use.
The grandparents would let the child stay with them during the nights but during the daytime, the child would be with his mother- whether she was high or not. The concern of the grandparents was that this child is being exposed to a lifestyle that is not appropriate and is exposed to living circumstances that are unhygienic and not safe, never the less for the child but for anyone around.
When I, the social worker, arrived at the premises, the grandparents were shaken and scared. My colleague and I assured the grandparents that if they are able to take care of the child, we would place the child in their care. We also assured them that we need to deliver preventative services and we use our professional discretion to act in the best interest of the child. We found that the grandparents were able and capable of looking after this child.
As soon as we met with the biological mother, we could see that she was coming down from a high. She was shaking and crying and begging us not to take her child. We explained the seriousness of the situation and how dangerous these circumstances were for this small child. We entered the house. It was dark, smelly and extremely dirty. Clothes were lying everywhere, cigarette buds lay strewn around and amidst all this mess, there the child was sitting and playing. Oblivious to what was going on around him.
I drafted a letter that gave the paternal grandparents custody over the child until this mother could get her act and her life back together. This mother was given time to clean up the house as a first step towards proving that she wants to be the mother she can be for this small boy. The boy was safe and cared for with his paternal grandparents and his mother could visit him at their house whenever she wanted. The biological father on the other hand was not willing to give up the drugs.
This mother decided that she needs the child in her life more than she does a drug user. She cleaned up her act and with the help of her mother and her parents in law she left a lifestyle of drugs and depending on a drug user behind.
We went for a home visit and saw that she was making slow progress and motivated her to keep going.
A week later, my supervisor phoned and said the following: “You won’t believe it. This house is so clean, it feels like I am in a hotel.”
This mom is still clean and ever so often when I drive by their yard, I see her and the boy playing outside.
We went for a few more home visits after that and all seemed well.
This is a story of a mother who was willing to give up a nasty habit and a person dragging her down to live for her son.
We are so proud of her and it is stories like this one that keeps us motivated and going in this profession that can sometimes be draining, overwhelming and sad beyond comprehension.
by CMR@dmin | Jun 10, 2021 | Stories of Hope
My sister and I went to stay with different maternal aunts after our parents started to have financial problems.
The Children’s Court Inquiry was finalized and I was placed with my maternal aunt and her husband in a different province. I went to visit my parents from time to time but were returned to my aunt on private arrangement.
After my foster parents got divorced the placement failed and I was placed in safe care with Mr and Mrs Z (not related).
Mrs Z, sent me to be professionally assessed by a social worker. The social worker’s report stated that I was exposed to family violence, alcohol abuse and possible sexual games in our house.
I was then assessed again and for the first time I could open up and tell the truth. I confirmed that it was true. I had to mention that my elder brother sexually molested me, I told my mother but she ignored it.
I maintained an average of 80% at school and enjoyed a lot of different sport activities. I was comfortable with my placement and have a strong bond with my new family and feel that I belong.
I have contact with my mother via phone calls but do not feel comfortable with physical contact.
With all the support from my foster parents, the social worker and my new family, I finished matric a year ago and are now studying at Potchefstroom University.
I see a bright future for myself.
Foster care includes stability, a better support system for the child, and the foster parents making a difference.
by CMR@dmin | Jun 1, 2021 | Stories of Hope
My parents had no proper accommodation and lived in very bad circumstances. My mother tested positive for Dagga and Crystal Meth and my father could not take proper care of me.
Because there were no close family that could take proper care of me, the social worker explained to my biological parents that I had to be placed in temporary safe care. My parents visited me for the first time at the Place of Safety House and I was very emotional.
My parents attended the Children’s Court Proceedings and afterwards visited me at the Place of Safety House and the visit went well. My parents could not visit me during the lockdown for Covid-19 pandemic but could phone me. My parents had to follow the rules of the Place of Safety House.
I have adjusted well to the structure and the routine of my Place of Safety House. I have contact on a regular base with my biological parents but I enjoy going back to play with the other toddlers at my Place of Safety House. With my last visit under the supervision of the social worker my mother again tested positive for drugs.
The social workers introduced me to Mr and Mrs X, who would like to become my Foster parents. I enjoyed it to play with Mr and Mrs X.
Mr and Mrs X is busy with the application and screening process to become my Foster parents.
Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.
by CMR@dmin | May 31, 2021 | Stories of Hope
This is my story….
My biological father does not have contact with me and his current whereabouts are unknown. My mother refuses to share information about my biological father.
My mother got married again. I was removed from their care. My parents both abused drugs and we were also exposed to drugs.
I was abused in to such an extent, that when I was “naughty”, my parents would not give me food. We were then placed in temporary safe care and later placed in foster care. These placements have been challenging.
I experienced developmental difficulties, being severally traumatized and there are ongoing conflict between my foster parents and my parents.
The conflict between my foster parents and biological parents has calmed down, due to the fact that the social workers made it clear that contact will take place through the professionals.
My placement however, have been successful up to date. I don’t know what my future holds in for me but I will keep on praying that somehow I will be happy as a grown-up.
Some abusers never leave external marks. However if you could see the marks they leave on our souls, you would recoil in horror.
by CMR@dmin | Apr 13, 2021 | Stories of Hope
A Pretoria boy who spent seven years in foster care, was recently reunited with his mother.
“At age seven he was removed from his family home due to severe violence. The entire family was at risk – one of the worst cases we have ever seen,” explains the social worker who supported the boy all this time. “But his story is a story of hope: we never give up” says Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-Oos.
Kobus* (nom de plume) struggled initially – as a result of the trauma he experienced at such a young age; he had many emotional and behavioural problems to overcome,” she explains.
“His caregivers at the foster home had a very trying time with his anger problems, anxiety and suicide attempts. Such a road is not an easy one and demands more than just love and patience.”
CMR Gauteng-Oos supports their foster parents with ongoing training and emotional support and in cases like this young boy – the impact on the foster family is carefully monitored and problems are addressed.
“The CMR, a registered Child Protection Organisation with statutory powers, aim to keep families together and manages to reunite families despite the common impression that we just remove children from their homes,” explains van der Merwe.
“Circumstances like child molestation or -neglect leads to a court order which instructs organisations like CMR Gauteng-Oos to remove the child. The child is taken to a place of safety and can be placed in a foster home, Industrial School or Children’s Home, following careful investigation into what would be best for the individual child. Children are only returned to their homes if the circumstances have changed in a positive way and if deemed in the interest of the child.
Kobus and his mother were quite nervous before reuniting, says the social worker who assisted them with the reuniting process.
What led to this happening? He wrote his mother a letter in which he asked her to answer his many questions about his background. She had only had telephonic contact with the social worker, but after receiving the letter, she expressed the wish to have her son living with her. Both of them received counselling to prepare them emotionally.
Van der Merwe concludes: “In accordance with the Children’s Act (Act 38 of 2005) we try in all cases not to alienate a child from his parents. Social workers have to keep the child in contact with the parents, with the help of his ‘new parents’. A working agreement, prepared by the social worker, is entered into, and signed by all parties. A child’s story can become a success story. Kobus’ story is such a story of hope and success.”
CMR Gauteng-Oos currently supports almost 900 children in foster care.
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