Die waarde van spelterapie vir kinders met hul eie unieke vrese, kan nie onderskat word nie.
Daar was ‘n klein seuntjie wat by sy ouers gewoon het, en ‘n ouer sussie gehad het. Hy het soos alle klein seuntjies, gespeel, en sy lewe geniet.
Ongelukkig moes hy elke derde maand hospitaal toe gaan – iets wat vir hom niks lekker was nie. Hy was anemies– en moes selfs bloedoortappings kry om sy rooibloedselle aan te vul.
Die sien van die naalde en medisyne was vir hom ‘n angswekkende ervaring, wat van een keer na die volgende keer nie makliker geword het nie. Hy het geskop en geskree en die behandeling moes onder dwang geskied.
Die dokter het naderhand aan die hand gedoen dat die seuntjie sal baat by spelterapie. Hy het op ‘n weeklikse basis by ‘n terapeut ingeskryf en aan die begin was dit niks meer nie as om hom te laat verstaan dat nie elke persoon wat hy sien, hom wil seermaak nie. ‘n Paar weke later kon daar van trauma terapie na kognitiewe terapie oorgegaan word.
Deel van die spelterapie was dat hy naderhand self kon speel hy gee inspuitings. Toe hy tandarts toe moes gaan, het die terapeut hom deeglik voorberei op die besoek, wat ten spyte van sy angstigheid, tog goed afgeloop het.
Die seun weet nou hy hoef nie bang te wees vir naalde nie. Hy het sy vrees vir mediese personeel, naalde en hospitale oorwin en kan dit nou goed hanteer.
Die waarde van spelterapie vir kinders met hul eie unieke vrese, kan nie onderskat word nie. Kontak ‘n professionele persoon, hetsy ‘n sielkundige of maatskaplike werker wat in spelterapie spesialiseer, vir verdere navrae.
This is a story of a mother who was willing to give up a nasty habit and a person dragging her down to live for her son.
As a young social worker, relatively new in the field, my perception was that once people are “marked” as bad, especially those dependent on drugs, they are not likely to improve their circumstances.
Our office received a phone call from concerned grandparents and parents. The biological parents of a small child were staying on the premises of the parents of the biological father. The grandparents of this child were concerned about his safety because the parents were using drugs and have been using drugs on and off for the last 10 years. The biological parents have been in a committed relationship throughout their drug use.
The grandparents would let the child stay with them during the nights but during the daytime, the child would be with his mother- whether she was high or not. The concern of the grandparents was that this child is being exposed to a lifestyle that is not appropriate and is exposed to living circumstances that are unhygienic and not safe, never the less for the child but for anyone around.
When I, the social worker, arrived at the premises, the grandparents were shaken and scared. My colleague and I assured the grandparents that if they are able to take care of the child, we would place the child in their care. We also assured them that we need to deliver preventative services and we use our professional discretion to act in the best interest of the child. We found that the grandparents were able and capable of looking after this child.
As soon as we met with the biological mother, we could see that she was coming down from a high. She was shaking and crying and begging us not to take her child. We explained the seriousness of the situation and how dangerous these circumstances were for this small child. We entered the house. It was dark, smelly and extremely dirty. Clothes were lying everywhere, cigarette buds lay strewn around and amidst all this mess, there the child was sitting and playing. Oblivious to what was going on around him.
I drafted a letter that gave the paternal grandparents custody over the child until this mother could get her act and her life back together. This mother was given time to clean up the house as a first step towards proving that she wants to be the mother she can be for this small boy. The boy was safe and cared for with his paternal grandparents and his mother could visit him at their house whenever she wanted. The biological father on the other hand was not willing to give up the drugs.
This mother decided that she needs the child in her life more than she does a drug user. She cleaned up her act and with the help of her mother and her parents in law she left a lifestyle of drugs and depending on a drug user behind.
We went for a home visit and saw that she was making slow progress and motivated her to keep going.
A week later, my supervisor phoned and said the following: “You won’t believe it. This house is so clean, it feels like I am in a hotel.”
This mom is still clean and ever so often when I drive by their yard, I see her and the boy playing outside.
We went for a few more home visits after that and all seemed well.
This is a story of a mother who was willing to give up a nasty habit and a person dragging her down to live for her son.
We are so proud of her and it is stories like this one that keeps us motivated and going in this profession that can sometimes be draining, overwhelming and sad beyond comprehension.
As social workers, we come into contact with shocking human behaviour on a daily basis
Violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, denigration. The problem of humans behaving inappropriately towards one another, causing harm and trauma to others, has existed since the dawn of history.
In times gone by a shroud of silence was drawn over happenings in the home: in more affluent societies especially, since “bad stuff could not possibly happen in good homes”. Thus much damage was inflicted that remained unnoticed and unattended.
In 2021 there is probably only a small minority that has not been reached with the message that gender violence, sexual abuse and like behaviour is unacceptable and in fact, criminal.
But much harm is inflicted without physical violence. There is the ever-present possibility of sexual abuse in the home, covered by layers of secrecy and shame. Young children (mostly girls) have a slight to none chance of coming out with the truth and being believed by older people. If the truth were ever to be laid bare, the figures would probably be so shocking as to be near-unbelievable.
“As social workers, we come into contact with shocking human behaviour on a daily basis,” explains Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng East. “We endeavour to reach our communities with programmes aimed at preparedness as well as early intervention and of course, being at the stope face we also have to get involved where statutory steps need to be taken in the interest of a child.
“Much can be achieved in preventing problems if people remain alert and aware of the impeding social factors around them: such as cyber bullying, emotional abuse or falling prey to porn addiction. Prevention is always better than having to address concomitant problems after they have become entrenched.
“Children that had to be removed from a home environment where they suffered severe trauma, have to be assisted with counselling to help them with healing and experiencing hope. Many of them show problem behaviours that could include anger, violence, self-harming and even attempted suicide – even in very young children.
“Our social workers support the child with long-term emotional healing and integration into society. The sad realities are not lessening, they are growing. This means we need more trained people able to help with the social ills of our time, as well as community members reporting after seeing or hearing these ills, ” van der Merwe concludes.
My sister and I went to stay with different maternal aunts after our parents started to have financial problems.
The Children’s Court Inquiry was finalized and I was placed with my maternal aunt and her husband in a different province. I went to visit my parents from time to time but were returned to my aunt on private arrangement.
After my foster parents got divorced the placement failed and I was placed in safe care with Mr and Mrs Z (not related).
Mrs Z, sent me to be professionally assessed by a social worker. The social worker’s report stated that I was exposed to family violence, alcohol abuse and possible sexual games in our house.
I was then assessed again and for the first time I could open up and tell the truth. I confirmed that it was true. I had to mention that my elder brother sexually molested me, I told my mother but she ignored it.
I maintained an average of 80% at school and enjoyed a lot of different sport activities. I was comfortable with my placement and have a strong bond with my new family and feel that I belong.
I have contact with my mother via phone calls but do not feel comfortable with physical contact.
With all the support from my foster parents, the social worker and my new family, I finished matric a year ago and are now studying at Potchefstroom University.
I see a bright future for myself.
Foster care includes stability, a better support system for the child, and the foster parents making a difference.
My parents had no proper accommodation and lived in very bad circumstances. My mother tested positive for Dagga and Crystal Meth and my father could not take proper care of me.
Because there were no close family that could take proper care of me, the social worker explained to my biological parents that I had to be placed in temporary safe care. My parents visited me for the first time at the Place of Safety House and I was very emotional.
My parents attended the Children’s Court Proceedings and afterwards visited me at the Place of Safety House and the visit went well. My parents could not visit me during the lockdown for Covid-19 pandemic but could phone me. My parents had to follow the rules of the Place of Safety House.
I have adjusted well to the structure and the routine of my Place of Safety House. I have contact on a regular base with my biological parents but I enjoy going back to play with the other toddlers at my Place of Safety House. With my last visit under the supervision of the social worker my mother again tested positive for drugs.
The social workers introduced me to Mr and Mrs X, who would like to become my Foster parents. I enjoyed it to play with Mr and Mrs X.
Mr and Mrs X is busy with the application and screening process to become my Foster parents.
Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.
My biological father does not have contact with me and his current whereabouts are unknown. My mother refuses to share information about my biological father.
My mother got married again. I was removed from their care. My parents both abused drugs and we were also exposed to drugs.
I was abused in to such an extent, that when I was “naughty”, my parents would not give me food. We were then placed in temporary safe care and later placed in foster care. These placements have been challenging.
I experienced developmental difficulties, being severally traumatized and there are ongoing conflict between my foster parents and my parents.
The conflict between my foster parents and biological parents has calmed down, due to the fact that the social workers made it clear that contact will take place through the professionals.
My placement however, have been successful up to date. I don’t know what my future holds in for me but I will keep on praying that somehow I will be happy as a grown-up.
Some abusers never leave external marks. However if you could see the marks they leave on our souls, you would recoil in horror.
A Pretoria boy who spent seven years in foster care, was recently reunited with his mother.
“At age seven he was removed from his family home due to severe violence. The entire family was at risk – one of the worst cases we have ever seen,” explains the social worker who supported the boy all this time. “But his story is a story of hope: we never give up” says Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng-Oos.
Kobus* (nom de plume) struggled initially – as a result of the trauma he experienced at such a young age; he had many emotional and behavioural problems to overcome,” she explains.
“His caregivers at the foster home had a very trying time with his anger problems, anxiety and suicide attempts. Such a road is not an easy one and demands more than just love and patience.”
CMR Gauteng-Oos supports their foster parents with ongoing training and emotional support and in cases like this young boy – the impact on the foster family is carefully monitored and problems are addressed.
“The CMR, a registered Child Protection Organisation with statutory powers, aim to keep families together and manages to reunite families despite the common impression that we just remove children from their homes,” explains van der Merwe.
“Circumstances like child molestation or -neglect leads to a court order which instructs organisations like CMR Gauteng-Oos to remove the child. The child is taken to a place of safety and can be placed in a foster home, Industrial School or Children’s Home, following careful investigation into what would be best for the individual child. Children are only returned to their homes if the circumstances have changed in a positive way and if deemed in the interest of the child.
Kobus and his mother were quite nervous before reuniting, says the social worker who assisted them with the reuniting process.
What led to this happening? He wrote his mother a letter in which he asked her to answer his many questions about his background. She had only had telephonic contact with the social worker, but after receiving the letter, she expressed the wish to have her son living with her. Both of them received counselling to prepare them emotionally.
Van der Merwe concludes: “In accordance with the Children’s Act (Act 38 of 2005) we try in all cases not to alienate a child from his parents. Social workers have to keep the child in contact with the parents, with the help of his ‘new parents’. A working agreement, prepared by the social worker, is entered into, and signed by all parties. A child’s story can become a success story. Kobus’ story is such a story of hope and success.”
CMR Gauteng-Oos currently supports almost 900 children in foster care.
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“It is time for all of us to act like activists and stop the silence surrounding violence against women and children,” says Henda van der Merwe, director of CMR Gauteng East.
“Abusers should be reported and be made to own up to their unacceptable behaviour. We must stop protecting them by remaining silent. Crime statistics hardly ever shows a downward trend and considering that in a three-month period this year, 65 women were murdered in South Africa and another 122 almost killed in attempted murders; nothing about abuse is acceptable. Not even that which seems innocuous, like incessant teasing.”
Gender violence starts in the home – or a relationship. Women should learn to identify abusive behaviour right from the start of a relationship – and walk away. “Let us take note that 1 758 protection orders were served from April to June this year in Gauteng alone. Usually by the time a woman gets to this point the partner abuse has been ongoing for a long time – most probably years.
“Community members should remember that silence implies complicity… and that abuse is a crime. But be careful,” she cautions. Reach out to the victim first, if possible. Be supportive and sensitive. Try to discuss the problem – but most of all, listen. Do not be scared to reach out and help someone in distress. We should care enough to become part of the solution.
“It is important to teach children gender roles, and that it does not mean submission of one partner to the other, but rather equality of respect and treatment by others. Part of this would be to take measures to protect children from harmful influences by the media – television, social media and in particular, porn sites on the internet accessible from their cellphones.
Van der Merwe concludes that there is a myriad of causes and contributory factors, among them socio-economic factors notably unemployment, that play a role in gender abuse. The greatest factor is probably gender roles – in many cultures the woman is seen as having to submit. “But even this does not excuse abuse,” she says.
A maternal grandfather brought his two grandchildren to a CMR social worker after their mother passed away. The children had no birth certificates and as result they were not admitted to the nearest school. The school that did admit them was far from home and the travelling cost was taking up all their money.
The social worker made them a priority and a home visit was scheduled. Upon arrival she was informed that the grandfather also passed away. He was the only breadwinner in the family. The children’s uncle is completing his grade 12. He was willing to take the children in his care. Several times the uncle was found by the social worker selling mielies and chicken feet on the street corner after school.
The social worker with the help of the social auxiliary worker asked for permission to take the children to a district surgeon for age assessment. The children were included in the annual CMR Ivory Park holiday project. This is specifically for children in need of care on the CMR Ivory Park case load.
Various service providers are invited to attend and give educational talks to the children during the holidays. This case was discussed with the presiding officer at the children’s court. The social workers’ report was submitted to the court and the case was finalised. Court orders were issued together with a form so that the social worker can assist the client with birth certificates application. The social worker took the birth certificate application to Home Affairs that sent them back to the local Hospital for notification of birth. The Hospital confirmed that the children were born in the hospital.
It was a relief when the social worker finally received a call from Home Affairs informing her that the birth certificates were ready to be collected. At last the uncle can now apply for foster care grant in respect of the children concerned, he will be able to concentrate fully in his school work and the children can attend school.
Tsepo’s* story is an example of the important work social workers are doing.
Cases like this motivates social workers tremendously and make that burned out and emotional moments worth it.
Tsepo* is a 13-year old boy who lost both parents due to HIV / AIDS. After the death of his mother, he was placed in foster care with his grandmother in Centurion. The grandmother works as a housekeeper and receives a small income.
Tsepo* is also HIV-positive. He travels alone by train or taxi to the Attridgeville clinic to receive his medication. His grandmother usually gives him extra money so that he can buy lunch. Tsepo* never uses this money for himself. He uses it for another taxi ride to visit his baby half-brother to make sure he is well cared for. If the baby needs something, Tsepo* provides the remaining money to contribute. Tsepo* has also contacted the social worker when he was worried about his half-brother.
Tsepo’s* warm heart helped us to realize that caring does not require a lot of money and that even a child can reach out to people in need.
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